Just a Lil' Dip ;)

Last week I stayed with a fellow teacher at her house for the weekend.  She lives with her 3 younger siblings, parents and grandmother.  They are very much involved in their church.  That Sunday I had the privilege of doing two really awesome things with them.  The first: witness and participate in a river baptism!  The second: work at her family’s taqueria (aka taco stand).  Let’s go back to that first one, shall we?   That Sunday the church was going to baptize 10 people, it had been 5 months since the last baptism.  Abigail (my friend, the teacher) told me that here most churches baptize in pools but there are a good number as well that baptize in El Rio Bravo (The Bravo River) which runs along the border and divides the United States of America from Mexico.  I have heard many a story about old times (before things became so dangerous here) when young people, families, everyone, used to head down to the river to fish, swim and just hang out.  They’d stay out late into the night and have a grand old time.  But when things got really bad here, all of that changed.  These days people still visit the river and do those types of things but much less often and with greater caution.  Whenever I heard those stories I always felt a little sad that I wouldn’t get to enjoy the river as they had before.  So, you can imagine my joy when I found out we’d be going to the river for the baptism!  It was SUPER hot that day and the sun was shining EXTRA bright.  But it was a day to celebrate as 10 new hermanos (brothers and sisters), young and old, were going to take this next step of faith.  The Pastor waded into the water with 2 other able-bodied men (haha, I’ve never used that phrase).  Then the hermanos lined up.  One by one they were completely submerged in the waters of Rio Bravo as a symbol of being washed clean of sin and further committing their lives to Christ.  I remember the pastor’s words “…any anger you have, jealousy you have, addictions you have, leave it under that water.  When you come up, remember that you are a new creation.  In Christ we are all new creations, ‘the old is gone, and the new has come.’”  Each time they came up, we as a congregation sang a baptismal chorus.  I enjoyed it so much.  I was pretty moved that day.  Afterwards we congratulated those who had been baptized.  And after that, we got in the river too!  The little kids jumped in first, then the young people followed.  Yeah, the water wasn’t really clean and we couldn’t get that deep because of rough currents but we didn’t care.  I didn’t care.  I was swimming in a river dividing two countries after seeing people baptized in it…I mean, come on!  For Abigail, her family and her congregation, it may have just been any other day.  But I told her later on that I felt it a true privilege to have been able to participate with them.

    As for awesome thing #2: that same night I went with Abigail to help out at her family’s taco stand.  It is a literal stand – a cart on wheels, outside a pharmacy, located on the main street of Miguel Aleman.  The cart has two large gas griddles where they heat up the meat and tortillas.  They set up 4 tables around the cart with chairs and wait on customers from 7 pm to 2 am (sometimes 6 am on Saturdays).  Thankfully that day we only stayed until 1 am.  Anyway, it was me, Abigail, her brother and another guy named Max.  Max made the tacos while Abigail, her brother and I waited the tables.  I didn’t actually take any orders but I served food, drinks, and cleaned the tables.  I also shredded cheese and did a few other odd jobs.  And as I said before, this was just any old day to Abi, her brother and Max.  But for me – it was a joy to experience.  Doing new things, learning new things from people who are kind and willing to show me and explain things patiently makes me feel alive.  Sharing experiences with people where I can help or lend a hand in any way makes me feel alive.  I feel joy and purpose when I can learn a skill, when I can meet the need of another in some way.  I don’t know if any of that makes sense – and I surely couldn’t express that clearly to Abi in Spanish, as hard as I’ve tried, but God, He knows.  He knows how much that day meant to me and He will honor Abi and her family for inviting me into those experiences with them.  He knows that I haven’t always felt useful or needed here and yet He still provides me with beautiful moments like those where I can celebrate with others or lend a helping hand.  And He knows how unique those experiences were, and reminds me not to forget them and not to forget His faithful and constant provision.

Lord, thank you for being so thoughtful.  Thank you for caring for each one of us enough to find ways to bring us joy, to introduce us to new things, and to show us Your face in the invitations of others.  Open my eyes to always recognize Your gifts.  Help me to feel alive, even in the small things.  I reject the lie that I am useless and trust You to bring me into places where You will use me to glorify Your name.  In Jesus name, amen.

that warm feeling you get in your heart :)

When I am ignored, my instinctive reaction is to feel hurt; it always has been.  For all you ‘men of steel’ out there, it is a valuable trait to be able to remain unphased and keep moving when you are ignored.  But, I suppose in everyone’s life there is bound to come a time when you meet others that don’t see eye-to-eye with you and you’ve got to reckon with that.  I don’t imagine that you ‘men of steel’ were always so ‘steely,’ so to speak.  I imagine you had to wrestle with that reality yourselves and came to a conclusion that allows you, today, to examine the situation carefully.  I imagine you can check yourself “how might I have offended this person?” and separate the unfair actions of others from any measurement of who you are.  Again, a valuable, valuable trait.

When someone does something thoughtful for me, my instinctive reaction is to feel appreciated and special.  Sometimes, I will even get a warm kind of feeling inside – honest!  Today I need to praise God for giving me one of those moments.  Today, after church, the Pastor and his wife showed me how to make a type of Mexican porkchop, a type of fried filet of chicken, and salsa!  (real salsa, a FAR, FAR cry from Tostitos or anything in that category.)  I have wanted to learn to make a variety of Mexican dishes since I’ve been here but haven’t ever had the chance.  Today was a blessing.  I wasn’t expecting it!  The Pastor took me through everything step by step and patiently allowed me to make nearly the whole meal by myself!  (Risky, haha!)  Everything turned out delicious, at least in my opinion.  I hope to be able to make this meal for my family and friends back at home one day. 

Amen to thoughtful actions.  Amen to warm feelings inside.  Amen to unexpected (good) surprises.  Peace and grace to all those reading this.  God has something thoughtful in store for you.  I don’t know when and I definitely don’t know what it will look like, but He has something thoughtful in store for you.  And when you get that warm feeling near your heart or feel particularly special, remember that God set that up – just for you.  Be thankful for the person or experience, but also, be thankful for your Heavenly Father who just nudged you and said “Hey, I love you.”

Litany of Humility - Warning, this is radical!

Like I said...this is very radical.  I have prayed this before and it has cost me...I still greatly desire to be truly humble but I am careful about how soon and how deeply I desire it.  It's simply not our nature as human beings.

Litany of Humility

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, deliver me, O Jesus
From the desire of being extolled, deliver me, O Jesus
From the desire of being honored, deliver me, O Jesus
From the desire of being praised, deliver me, O Jesus
From the desire of being preferred to others, deliver me, O Jesus
From the desire of being consulted, deliver me, O Jesus
From the desire of being approved, deliver me, O Jesus

From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, deliver me, O Jesus
From the fear of suffering rebukes, deliver me, O Jesus
From the fear of being calumniated, deliver me, O Jesus
From the fear of being forgotten, deliver me, O Jesus
From the fear of being ridiculed, deliver me, O Jesus
From the fear of being wronged, deliver me, O Jesus
From the fear of being suspected, deliver me, O Jesus

That others may be loved more than I, O Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, O Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may, increase and I may decrease, O Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, O Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, O Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, O Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, O Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

For those who are wondering, to be calumniated means to be spoken badly about, be lied about or falsely accused of something.  To repeat, this is TOUGH prayer...its the kind that takes a scouring pad or something more like sand paper to your heart and gives it a good, long scrub.  Like tough grease it's gotta cut through pride, selfishness and years of being trained to choose what is convenient and comfortable.  And it is only done by grace...pure and undeserved grace!  Jesus...you're so good to us.  So, so good. 

Songs of truth, in espanol

This first one is called "Estoy Aqui" which means "Here I Am" or "I Am Here."  It refers to Christ, God, the Holy Spirit - all right here for us and with us.  The song itself talks about hard seasons in life and not forgetting that whether or not we feel God's presence He has promised never to leave us or forsake us. My favorite lines: "Si quieren traicionarte lo usaré para tu bien, si quieren engañarte lo usaré para tu bien, si quieren hacerte daño lo usaré para tu bien, porque a los que me aman todo le obra para bien."  Roughly translated that means: If they want to betray you, I'll use it for your good.  If they want to trick you, I will use it for your good.  If they want to hurt you, I will use it for your good because I will work all things together for the good of those who love me."  That is a promise God makes to us.  


This song is called "Hablame de Jesus" which means "Talk to me about Jesus."  It basically is sung from the point of view of someone who is wondering about Jesus, what He did for them, what the cross is all about.  My favorite line is this one: El que se dice llamar cristiano por que me tratas con desprecio y no me tratas como hermano?...si tu quieres que alguien escuche el mensaje que tu les prediques pues primero tienes que vivirlo...no me hables de condenacion, si ni siquieras me has hablado de la salvacion, de la redencion, y restauracion..."  That translates to "You say you are a Christian but rather than treat me like a brother, you reject me.  If you want someone to listen to your message, live it out, first.  Don't talk to me about condemnation, if you haven't even talked to me about salvation, redemption and restoration."  Amen, right? Amen.  Enjoy.

Mother's Day

I haven’t been able to write in awhile because I haven’t felt up to it.  And right now, I both do and don’t want to write.  Nonetheless, here we go!

We just wrapped up our Mother’s Day program on Friday, May 11.  Mother’s Day is celebrated here in Mexico every year on May 10.  We decided to set our program for that Friday and a good number of mothers came out.  I was very nervous beforehand because we had not been able to practice as much for this performance as we had for Christmas and it seemed that this time around the kiddos had more ants in their pants, if you know what I mean.  I felt even worse because I ended up yelling at them more than usual, taking out on them what was a short timeline – not their fault at all.  But my mom gave me some solid advice and I prayed that God would allow us to simply be focused, calm and have a good time that day.  I planned to only say encouraging things to the children on that Friday and I wrote down what I would say.  The difference was recognizable.   With those words, smiles from their moms and grace from God, they did so great!  So great.  I was running back and forth a bit, so the only thing I could have asked for was the opportunity to take some pictures.  But, other than that, I was very content with their performances.  A girl who usually doesn’t talk much sang like a champ.  Another who has been known to end up staring at her nails or playing with her hair did all the dance moves brilliantly.  Best of all, there was a special part where they had to get the timing just right to do a sort of spin/turn and (praise God!) they did it and it looked great!   Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommies out there.  You guys have a job that no one understands unless they are in your shoes.  Your words, actions, hugs, smiles, everything you do impacts us.  For better and for worse, you help make us who we are.  The words “thank you” is not enough by far…nor are any presents we could give you.  Personally speaking, there isn’t any gift I could give or anything I could say to show my mom what she means to me after all these years.  I love you Mom and I wish I could be there to celebrate YOU, with you!

On Freedom and Idols

This is not proofread.  These are just thoughts.  I think I have an idol, maybe 2 that I never recognized in my life.  One would be freedom/independence and the other would be people.  I will start with the second.  People aren’t my idols in the sense that “OMG, I love you Michael Jackson and I can’t live without you!” or “Michelle Obama is a great lady.  I want to be just like her so I will dress, talk, etc etc like her.”  No.  I would say that living away from family and friends, in a culture different than my own, for various reasons, has caused me to set certain people on a pedestal.  It has caused me to long for them and look to them to fill my needs for affection, understanding and love.  To be honest, it has been hard for me to find that here in Mexico, as it is for anyone in a new setting.  The hole that opened up in my heart led me to be more grateful and appreciative of my loved ones (warts and all).  I began to say “I love you” more than I ever have before.  I began to open up to them and reach out in deeper ways as well.  But, over time…I think I have begun to look to them for what I was feeling I couldn’t get anywhere else.  What does that mean?   I wanted, and often still do, them to give me what I think God can’t.  Week after week I was still struggling with building solid relationships here though I thought I had been as open and friendly as I could.  So I sought that missing intimacy back home through phone calls, emails, etc.

Just the other day someone told me they loved me and were proud of me.  The more I hear that, the more I only want to be there, in that place, with that person.  The more I just want to hug them and not let go for awhile.  But there is still something wrong there…I don’t know how to explain it.  As much as I have sought God to carry me through the low points of this year, as much as I’ve tried to consider how others have sought God, received His love and that has been enough for them…it seems it hasn’t been enough for me.  That thought process has got to change.  All the people in the world will never be able to love me or provide for me like my Father does – that is the truth.  But it has been hard because I can hear my Mom say I love you which simply is not the same as reminding myself that God loves me or reading it in His Word.  At least, not yet.  I know it will be one day.  As for today and the near future, when my sister and parents are thousands of miles away and my friends are all over the country/globe, I have to wrestle with this idol.  May God forgive me for not being able to receive His love and rest in it.   For choosing what is in front of me instead of embracing His love in faith, for opening my eyes to it and knowing that it will be so much deeper, truer and life-affirming than any love people could offer.  Wow…that is why I said, wrestle!

Praises: My dear friend Jen Quach sent some wonderful new puzzles to my students.  They love them.  So do I!  Toy food – I mean, it can’t get any better.  I had a really nice spring break in Houston visiting friends and neighbors from Mission Year, in Boston visiting friends and family and in New York seeing the best lil sister – Jessie.  My Spanish is coming along pretty nicely.

Prayer requests:  That I would speak up more during group conversations.  Speaking Spanish one-on-one is going well.  But in big groups it is much harder – not only because of the language but because I am kind of on the introverted side.  My class has many events coming up in the next few months – recitals and such.  So pray for effective time management and patience on all sides.  And in general, that I would be a good example for my students of what it means to love and serve in the name of Jesus, in the classroom and in my interactions with the other teachers.

Thank you to whoever is reading this for reading, thinking of me and praying.  You are great.  The affection I have for you can’t really be expressed in words!  May God be growing and teaching you and loving on you as well. 

What I learned in Kindergarten

Found this somewhere online...don't remember where though.  It is incredibly accurate! :)

Just about everything I need to know to make life a good one, I learned in kindergarten:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush. (Add to that, close the bathroom door.)
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life—learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.

Working on it!  Not just in my class, but in me. :)