The things you learn...

Teacher things that I never could have imagined:

Cardboard (in all forms) is my new best friend

All children apparently tend toward bipolar disorder: one day they do everything you ask the first time you ask and the next, they are the definition of a nuisance

In one ear and out the other – truer words were never spoken

3 and 4 year olds have allowed me the privilege of becoming more closely acquainted with bodily functions of all varieties!  They’ve also shown me that there is no need to starve as long as we’ve got boogers, paper, stickers and playdo!

An amazing day can follow a disastrous one – through no power of my own

When in doubt, sing a song and move about (haha, I just made that up!  But really, it’s a lifesaving technique)

When I discipline them or teach them healthy life skills or about people from the Bible – I might as well be sitting where they are because I find myself needing to hear alllll of it too

It’s amazing how mad I can get at a 3 year old.  I’ll be honest.  I am not one to yell.  But in my classroom, I’ve taken it there…and I shock myself when I do.  I am still learning how to appreciate their limited capacities at that age.

It's a no pleasure at all to meet you rat poop.  And definitely not a pleasure to smell/see the remnants of your dead creator.  Yea...we've got rats in the school.  Yipes!

…more to come

Going home on Dec. 18.  Praise God!  Although I have felt more “at home” here in the last week than I have since I got here 3.5 mo ago, I can’t wait to be home-home.  I can’t wait to just be Lena for 2 weeks, not “Lena, the preschool/kindergarten teacher living in Mexico learning to speak a foreign language and trying to figure out what it means to serve Jesus here.”  It is a privilege to have the finances, the time and the documentation to be able to go home and spend time with my family – a privilege many don’t have.  I am grateful for it. 

Just some thoughts: ‘“Speak the truth without fear and without exception, and see everyone whose work is related to your purpose.  You are in God’s work, so you need not fear man’s scorn.  If they listen to your requests and grant them, you will be satisfied.  If they reject them, then you must make their rejection your strength.”

-Mahatma Gandhi

 The acceptance of this…is to be simply, directly truthful, whatever may be the cost of life, limb or security.  For he who accepts…there may be quick and speedy judgment with attendant loss.  There must always be confidence that the effect of truthfulness can be realized in the mind of the oppressor as well as the oppressed.  There is no substitute for such faith.’

Howard Thurman, Jesus and the Disinherited

Prayer requests: that my students Christmas performance would go well (they're singing a song and reciting poems), safety in travel home, blessed time with family, a friend Vicky Castro who is trying to get her paperwork in order to freely go to and from TX where her daughter and grandson live - she hasn't seen her daughter in over a year.

Desert You-Name-It

I think I am in a desert.  Yes, it was ridiculously hot well into October, but that’s not what I’m talking about.  Personally, it has been a spiritual desert.  Here is what I mean: sometimes in life we feel alone and or/like no one understands/cares.  Whether that is true or not, we look around us and see unfamiliar faces, have conversations that don’t leave us satisfied or don’t communicate at all, find ourselves doing things that don’t satisfy, we watch while those around us do or desire things that are confusing, uninteresting, inapplicable, and sometimes offensive to us, and we look at ourselves and wonder…what’s wrong here?  What can I do to make sense of all this?  How do I fit in?  Because although you are surrounded by life and people, you may as well be thousands of miles away in the middle of Desert You-Name-It.

That’s about how I have been feeling for the past month.  Very little in my life here is as expected and I lack many things I believe are essential; I lack things that make me feel at home, accepted, like I have purpose and direction.  Who knew there would be so much I feel like I lack when I’ve got a laptop, my own room, bathroom, running water (hot water, too), air conditioning, a cell phone, wifi, a roof over my head and a paying job.  I mean, some days I feel crazy and totally ungrateful because I think “Look at what you’ve got, Lena.  Look where God has brought you, just be content already!”

But I haven’t discovered Paul’s secret (Phil 4:10-13), I haven’t grasped it.  Why?  Maybe because what I need can’t be bought like most of what I listed above.  I miss friends, people who have similar interests/hobbies/passions/vision, I miss getting to mix and mingle with people my age, going and coming when I please, public transportation, biking and walking, holding hands while saying grace, daily devotions with people I care about/share common goals with.  I miss fellowship, in and out of church, corporate prayer, table fellowship (eating with friends and extending friendship to all sorts of people), being able to express my thoughts/feelings clearly in a language I am comfortable with, preparing meals with familiar faces, being part of a team, structure, clear expectations and norms, discipleship and mentoring, being a train ride away from my family.

 Most of all I miss just knowing that I matter and I realize that all of the above from into/from that.  I miss being a part of something.  I can’t figure out where I went wrong…some days I get so down thinking, “this is so difficult. This is not the life I signed up for, not the life I want.”  Then God revealed to me something to put my thoughts in perspective.  “Lena, how many people in this world are not living the life they ‘signed up for?’ How many have never had a life they ‘wanted’?”  Ahhhh…millions, Lord!  I personally know a few who are not fortunate enough to freely/fully live as they would like.  I think of my cousin who is an orphan and has moved too many times for his young age – not the life he ‘wanted.’ I think of a friend who is currently in career limbo.  Unsatisfied with scores on a major test that could determine her life path, she is temporarily working and trying to figure things out.  Also, not the life she ‘wanted.’   Thousands, millions in countries like Thailand and Pakistan are facing record floods which has taken a toll on, well, everything.  No doubt my brothers and sisters there have thought “Ugh, this sucks!!  I don’t want to live like this.”  And consider eastern Africa right now where millions more are dying daily or fleeing homes in search of food and water due to severe drought and famine.  On the scale of “This is not the life I wanted “ they are at the far end of “We have no food, no water and no home…this is not life.”

And the list goes on.  I don’t know if my unhappiness has any merit against the millions of others who are unhappy in this world, but I know that things could be better here.  My desert is my own issue to deal with but the situational issues at play here are real.  Please pray for conviction, movement and change at the school and the church I attend (both headed by the family I am living with.)  The school’s administration lacks leadership and accountability, we as a staff lack accountability, unity and effective communication.  As a ministry, both the church and the school lack intentional fellowship and prayer.

I am putting my hope is in the Lord, I trust in His holy name. 

Psalm 1:2-4  "[blessed is he] whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers."

Oh and praise God for beautiful things - shout out to friends Bonnie and Sean who just got engaged.  :)  

Honeymoon is over

Good people,

   So, I haven’t written in awhile.  Well, I’ve written plenty in my journal but haven’t put anything up here because well, I have been having a hard time.  The good news is that I officially have my working Visa which is good for 1 year.  I can travel freely throughout Mexico now and work without trouble.  Hallelujah!  Thank you, Jesus.  Many people on this side try for months on end to get their papers in order so that they can simply travel across the border to Texas and I was able to secure my documents in just one.   One co-worker, Vicky, hasn’t been able to see her daughter in a year because she lives here and her daughter lives in Texas.  Neither of them have the proper documentation to cross.  Thankfully they can talk on the phone regularly and send pictures and gifts to one another.  But, Vicky tells me they do miss each other a lot.

Other good news: I am drinking tea, I just saw my parents and read a really awesome email from an awesome friend.  The tea is good because my parents sent it to me.  I just saw them because they also sent me a webcam!  And my friend is awesome because she encouraged me when I really needed it.

Teaching has been a rough road.  I don’t know what teaching preschool is like for most but in my class I feel as though 80% of the time is spent simply trying to hold the children’s attention.  How exhausting!  And that doesn’t always allow me to be on time for things or get administrative tasks done – both of which reflect poorly on me.  Because of this and other things I have been thinking about/frustrated by, I have been sort of on edge lately, uncertain and wishing I had friends/family close by.

Tomorrow begins a new week and I do have some exciting things planned.  Last week I attended a women’s bible study with a co-worker and hope to continue to go regularly.  I also hope to see a soccer game soon.  I am going to start walking around more on my own.

Some things have been weighing very heavy on me in recent weeks and I ask you to please, pray for me.  Pray that if God wants me to do something about them, speak up or just let them go – I would know clearly.  And for peace – it’s okay to make mistakes, to be awkward and not to meet the expectations of others.  You’ve got tomorrow, which is a new day, and a day that the Lord made.   He made it just for you and me to experience His goodness and share it with someone.

In the Classroom

Hola, que onda? (that means hey, what's up?...which frankly I don't always know how to answer in English, haha)

So, this week marked my first official week as a teacher.  Friday we got something important in the mail that I still don’t quite understand.  It was a translation of my diploma along with the signatures of some important peoples from across the border.  I couldn’t tell you why I needed that or to whom it was specifically sent or where…but I know it was important because it allowed me to go to the school on Monday!  I sat in on the class that day while the assistant (Ms. Cindy) did her thing.  I introduced myself to the kids and felt good about that because the assistant (genius that she is) has been telling the kids daily that soon they would have a wonderful new teacher and that she was only filling in.  (Eventually she will be handling her own Special English class).  So the kiddos happily anticipated my arrival and happily greeted me that day.

Tuesday and today I led the class with Ms. Cindy as my right hand.  I was nervous and feeling totally unprepared for the day as I haven’t ever really been the one in charge, nor have I worked so closely with preschoolers.  I wasn’t very familiar with the class layout or how I would explain/demonstrate various procedures.  And then there was the language thing, ha!  All in all, I had a thousand reasons in my head about why things would probably go horribly wrong.  I barely slept Monday night.  But, having Cindy there REALLY helped and God reminded me of the truth.  And the truth is this: no matter how much I prepared or what I think my abilities are, I am bound to make mistakes.  I won’t get it all right, right away (even though I really, really wanted to).  I have to keep in mind something I recently picked up in one of the teaching books I’ve been reading: Everyday, ask yourself “What is one thing I can do differently tomorrow?”  With that mindset you will be the kind of teacher you want to be before you know it.  I mean, at times I may adjust that to “What one thing can I implement/change next week?”  Nonetheless, the point is the same.  As someone who likes to work, check off lists and see definitive progress (in myself and what I’m doing) I am pretty regularly being reminded of the fact that some things just can’t be measured, nor should they be.  Some areas of life won’t have clear signs that say “Hey, you did it!  You are awesome!” or “Wow, that was horrible.  You really messed that up.”  Sometimes you just go and do and try as sincerely as possible to meet what needs you can.

Remind me of that in a month.  And then in another month after that, please!

So, I will be putting up pictures and soon enough giving a detailed account of how this first week has gone.  But for now, remember me as a beginning teacher who is really only a girl trying to serve and hoping to fall in line with the purpose(s) that God has for me here.  Please pray for my relationships with the staff.  We’re a team and to be honest it seems as though my view of team differs from theirs so far.  Then again, it has only been a week so we will see!

Three sad tigers

Rápido corren las ruedas del ferrocarril. (The wheels of the train go fast.)
Tres tristes tigres tragaban trigo en un trigal.  En un trigal tragaban trigo, tres tristes tigres. (Three sad tigers swallow wheat in a wheat field.)

Say those 5 times fast!  I noticed that ‘r’ and ‘tr’ are difficult for me (and most learners of Spanish) to pronounce so Lore told me these tongue twisters she learned in school to help her with pronunciation back in elementary.

Juuuust some thoughts

I met a lady yesterday, her name is Grisela.  I was very impressed by her industriousness (that’s right).  We were checking out/moving into the family’s other house in McAllen, TX and she was putting some finishing touches on it.  She owns the house and rents it out.  Anyway, she was there painting, putting some white junk in holes, scrubbing walls, and exterminating bees.   With heels on, no less!  Reminded me of my friend Amanda…minus the heels, haha.  She was very nice, and since I was so impressed with her abilities I wanted to tell her – and I wanted to use the word industrious.  Alas, I was thwarted again by the language barrier.  I ended up talking to her about the house and where I’m from.  But man did I ever want to help her paint!  I don’t get to do real hands-on things like that much and I would love the chance to try that for awhile – build, paint, put things together, fix, garden, etc.  I decided that with my first paycheck I am going to buy either seeds, little plantlings or both and start caring for them.  I am in the process of researching what likes to grow here and when it likes to grow but if anyone has any advice (Lizzie?) please, do tell.  Back in Houston, I ended up with a pretty fantastic batch of composted soil and had a lot of fun doing it – I would even dig my hand down in there, pick it up and smell it, knowing that there were bugs in there!  (And bugs freak me out.)

I would like to learn to cook some tradition Mexican cuisine.  I would like the Senoras that I have met (and will meet) to be the ones to teach me.

Any advice on ingestion of water in other countries?  How worried should I be about this?  How much is too much?  I don’t drink water from the faucet here but the doctors told me not even to brush my teeth with it or eat raw food (fruits and vegetables) washed with it.  But then I think to myself, it was the same deal in Houston and in most places in Chicago and yet, I brushed my teeth with that and ate raw food too.  My conclusion: keep eating what I like and brushing my teeth with “contaminated” faucet water but also, make more time to floss and gargle.  I still welcome advice on this or any other abroad living experience concerning food/beverages. 

Last, but not least, I have been thinking I should be more responsible with my Presidential vote next year (ironic considering I am in another country and it would be easy not to care) so I have been reading Time a bit more closely and doing a little research on the interwebs.  However, what I am finding turns me off more than anything.  It makes me think "Is it wrong that I am not feeling any of these people?"  It's like I have 5 sticks that represent my main interests as far as voting goes and I throw them out there among all the other issues in world/country the candidates are sincerely trying to answer.  Not one of them would pick those same 5, Obama included.  At the same time...it seems the higher up you go in politics, the harder it is to hold onto sincerity.  At least we've got another year, right?

In Conversation

To start, I will share this song that has been rolling around in my head for the past few days, its to the right there and it is called Psalm 62 by Shane and Shane. It is really a great song. The particular lyrics that were stuck in my head could be applicable to my life right now but even more so, this part right here says it all: Oh my soul, oh my stubborn soul, won’t you wait on Him?  Wait in the quiet, even in your fear. Oh your God is here, to lean on! He won’t move.

Current climate in Miguel Aleman – super duper HOT, too hot to really do much of anything outside during the day. Current climate of life – confusion mixed with scattered frustrations and doubt. Since being here I have been speaking more and more Spanish. There are a few people I interact with very regularly who speak only Spanish and I do my best to have conversations with them. What usually happens is the following:
Other person: Espanol, espanol, espanol, espanoooooool.
Me: (lots of head nodding and about 25-75% comprehension, depending) Si. (short sentence repeating something they said, or a short follow up question and usually some nonverbal “hmmms”)
Other person: Espanol, espanol, espanol, espanol, espanoooooool.
Me: (see above).
Haha, its something, right? If any friends or fam reading this has any suggestions, feel free to let me know. I would like to try all different ways of learning Spanish now that I am here and I don’t know if there are any tried and true methods out there. And hey, you can let me know about tried and failed methods as well!
Whoa. Okay. Well, I just took a little break from writing and it seems that God had something to show me. I was eating with the family here at the house and they were talking about all the things they have going on right now, all the things they have on their plate that they feel like there are not enough hours in the day (or week) to complete, not the least of which is figuring out my Visa situation. Entonces, I could tell that they are all frustrated and feeling the stress of a seemingly-endless stream responsibilities. My first thought was “So I am not the only one!” Then, it put things in perspective. I can wait, I really can. My friend Amy worked somewhere last year where most of her days (in the beginning) left her feeling not very useful. She managed, and rose above it! Some other friends moved into a house that didn’t have completed bedrooms or working toilets. They managed, and learned much from it! This family travels back and forth across the border often for work or school, runs a school that has many needs, heads a church with a small congregation, and hears stories about violence, robbery and kidnapping more often than your average suburbanite (me). I can manage. If God’s grace is enough for all of that (and more), it’s enough for me, now.
After lunch, my laptop slideshow popped up with pictures from the first time I went to Mexico. I mulled over it for a few seconds and then decided to go ahead and ask Lorena (the mother) if she’d like to see them. I knew my explanations/descriptions of these really sweet memories would be lacking in Spanish, but if our relationship is going to grow, things like this water that seedling. And guess what – I think it bore fruit immediately! We just had a conversation for like 45 minutes…I mean she said a lot, I understood like 70% of it and asked a few questions (see above), but it lasted a long time. The Holy Spirit comes at the strangest of times but also at the best, of course. Amen, amen, amen. That is all I can say.
I don’t know what tomorrow will be like. My guess is this: I will get up at 7, go walk around the park before it hits temps near Hades, come back and eat breakfast, spend time with God, read, talk with the housekeeper Elvira, eat, and just maybe find out that we have moved forward in the Visa process. From what I can gather an accountant and a lawyer have seen my papers and the necessary papers from the school, then will be able to send them soon to the appropriate places and then I can get the special permit within the next 2 days. God can do that, and I am ready for it. I am ready to be in the classroom, success or failure. Or at least I tell myself that. The question is, am I really?
Prayer request: Pablo, the father of the housekeeper Elvira had surgery and has been in the hospital for over 3 weeks. She speaks to me in very fast Spanish so I am not entirely sure how he is doing. She said he is recovering and he has lots of family there (in Houston) to come visit him but I also got the impression that she doesn’t think he will ever fully recover.

Miguel Aleman, Tamaulipas, Mexico

So, I can't go to work yet.  Not physically anyway.  I learned a few days ago that the Mexican laws recently changed - a foreigner cannot be at the workplace until Visa is in hand or else immigration may come and can deport said foreigner.  Or at least that is my current understanding.  I don't feel totally comfortable with that or certain about it so I hope to go over the details a few more times with the family I am staying with through the help of Lore's (daughter) translation.  Overall though, they assure me that this will put things on hold for me for no more than one week.  So far, I find it very easy to believe and trust them and I hope I continue to feel this way.  They have been so good to me thus far: sharing food, room and transportation - all for free!  I appreciate this opportunity more than I can say, in english or in spanish!
While I await the visa, I have been playing with their dog Choco, knitting, reading, spending time with God and doing a little exercise here and there.  The family has a nice home, air conditioning and bathrooms indoors (for those of you imagining me roughing it!).  Most of the year the mother, Lorena, and her daughter, Lore (25), live here and work at the school.  Lore's father (who is a pastor), Rogerio, and his sons Roge (22) and Josue (13?), will live in an apartment in McAllen, TX which is nearer to Pastor Rogerio's cell phone business and Josue's school.  Their life is pretty complicated as they spend a good bit of time traveling back and forth over the border for a variety of reasons.  I sometimes try to imagine what life will look like here, but honestly I can't predict even what next week will look like!
As far as work, I know I will be teaching around 15 three-five year olds.  I will likely have an assistant (praise God!) who knows some english because she lived in Dallas (shoutout to Ms. Cobon!) for a few years.  Her name is Cyndia, and she was very kind when I met her.
That's it for now.  I hope to begin to settle into some sort of rhythm soon so I will keep you guys updated on that.

Prayer request: one of my neighbors back in Houston was recently arrested - a case of mistaken identity.  Last I heard he was in jail for a few days and hadn't been released yet.  This is the 3rd time the police have hassled his family (and our nieghborhood) and I don't know what is best for them to do.

Headed back to Mexico!

In a few days I will be moving into a house in Miguel Aleman (city), Tamaulipas (state), Mexico.  I will be staying with Pastor Rodriguez and his family while I serve as a teacher at the school they run called Instituto Del Rey - Institute of the King.  Right now, I am both looking forward to beginning and freaking out a bit by all the responsibility I am taking on.  But I keep reminding myself that God's vision and plan is always bigger than mine.  He is going with me (and He is already there!) so I have no doubt that I will experience His goodness and faithfulness, no matter what.  Friends, please pray for me.  And stay tuned!

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.  They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” 
Jeremiah 17:7-9